Do you want to know what to expect in 2024? Look somewhere else. This is a half-serious, half-facetious list (and I don’t even know which is which) drawing on observations and conversations on both sides of the Atlantic. It is a list for people who have ever wondered “What is the next turmeric?” Or thought, “I’ve heard good things about the skiing in Amirsoy, but will anyone I know be there?” It is my list, and even I wouldn’t trust it.
OUT | IN |
minimalism | clutter |
Ontario | Québec |
ennui | malaise |
George Brown | D’Arcy McGee |
cigars | pipes |
vapes | cigarettes |
Justin Trudeau | Sophie Grégoire Trudeau |
frustration | anger |
Budapest | Bucharest |
Che Guevara t-shirts | Moshe Dayan t-shirts |
coffee breaks | lunch breaks |
Florida | Maine |
occupation | gunboat diplomacy |
Scotland’s lochs | Scotland’s beaches |
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis style icon | Carolyne Bessette-Kennedy style icon |
Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood | Whistler—Sargent bromance |
beards | sideburns |
Grotius | Suárez |
Scottish gin | Spanish gin |
historical-pastoral | tragical-historical |
anti-woke Right | anti-woke Left |
dry whites | off-dry whites |
Al Waxman | Bruno Gerussi |
EVs | hybrids |
Islay | Campbelltown |
NCAA basketball | Euroleague |
Western Roman Empire | Eastern Roman Empire |
Charlotte Brontë | Emily Brontë |
Spanish Falangism | Lebanese Phalangism |
Sense and Sensibilia | Names and Necessity |
veterans | rookies |
desserts | digestifs |
the bully pulpit | endynamistic power |
human dignity | rights for robots |
opaque | sheer |
memoirs | biographies |
Alexander Waugh | Auberon Waugh |
Pineau des Charentes | Carcavelos |
Christopher Hitchens | Peter Hitchens |
via positiva | via negativa |
blocking | ignoring |
smoothies | soups |
Bertie Wooster | Rupert Psmith |
handbags | fashion totes |
decline | fall |
John Humphrey | Charles de Koninck |
Georgian townhouses | Edwardian flats |
quiet quitting | work to rule |
Roald Dahl’s children’s stories | Roald Dahl’s adult stories |
DMs | voice notes |
parks | piazzas |
girl math | bro science |
bowdlerisation | expurgation |
the media | the silent majority |
thinking about the Roman Empire | thinking about the Holy Roman Empire |
Anthony Trollope | Anthony Powell |
Apulia | Liguria |
Fidel Castro | Simón Bolívar |
Impressionist cityscapes | Romantic landscapes |
mackerel | branzino |
Gentileschi | Bronzino |
Tonka bean | tamarind |
Bernese Mountain Dogs | Newfoundlanders |
Beverley McLachlin’s airport fiction | Robert Borden’s translations of Goethe |
Slovenian beaches | Albanian beaches |
illiberal democratic backsliding | liberal democratic backsliding |
CNN | CSPAN |
bridges | ferries |
weekend golf | weekday golf |
illegal border-crossing | visa overstays |
car audio systems | car video systems |
book clubs | choirs |
Netflix and chill | dinner and a movie |
Jimmy Carter | Gerald Ford |
lacrosse | rugby |
bike lanes | walking paths |
“pursuing our own good in our own way” | “a manly, moral, regulated liberty” |
mindfulness | primal screams |
Modigliani | Brancusi |
George Orwell | Cyril Connolly |
business cards | calling cards |
contraception | pregnancy |
smoked cocktails | food-infused cocktailsBut I’m still not ordering either. |
Michael Ondaatje’s fiction | Michael Ondaatje’s poetry |
matcha | probably something even worse |
civilisation | its discontents |
legislative power | executive power |
fences | hedges |
The Greek islands | The Greek mainland |
citrus | floral |
PRC election interference | PRC cultural disruption |
income | inheritance |
lake houses | river houses |
houndstooth | tartan |
Georgian orange wine | Bulgarian pét-nat |
mushroom drinks | mushroom everything |
genocide | “genocide” |
loft conversions | barn conversions |
clean lines | tassels and fringes |
food delivery | frozen meals |
The Balkans | The Baltics |
Old Fashioned | Sazerac |
hotels | staying with friends |
sobriety | celibacy |
flower gardens | kitchen gardens |
Colombia | Peru |
ginger groups | Adullamite factions |
Florence | Ravenna |
kale | cabbage |
cottages | cabins |
superstition | witchcraft |
knitting | thatching |
Nutella | pistachio cream |
flavoured honey | flavoured mustard |
Scottish folds | British shorthairs |
Marina Abramovic | Yoko Ono |
grass | dirt |
exhibitions | permanent collections |
hoodies | overshirts |
New York steakhouses | Paris steakhouses |
prosecco | champagne |
tweed | corduroy |
Reagan Democrats | Attlee Conservatives |
cacio e pepe | la gricia |
fusion | regional |
going for it on fourth down | fake punts |
organic farming | regenerative farming |
Millennial imposter syndrome | Gen Alpha brash ignorance |
Eastern Canadian wines | Western Canadian wines |
West Coast American wines | East Coast American wines |
irony | hypersentimentalism |
impeachment | 25th Amendment |
short stories | multivolume novels |
urban bee hives | urban pollinator gardens |
black truffle | white truffle |
Zermatt | Cervinia |
fleece | shearling |
soccer | rugby |
minimum wage | automation |
literary fiction | literary non-fiction |
plastic | glass |
hops | malts |
political platforms | political principles |
Taylor Swift | Amy Winehouse |
lattes | hot chocolate |
Scandinavian modern | California modern |
amaro | vermouth |
Hart Trophy | Ted Lindsay Award |
cutting post-secondary funding | cutting post-secondary enrolment |
Left bank | Right bank |
proper Canadian spelling | wrong American spelling |
blaming Boomers | resenting Gen-X |
punctuation | dashes |
Formula 1 | bullfighting |
‘80s nostalgia | ‘90s nostalgia |
backyard chickens | backyard ducks |
celebratory champagne | everyday champagne |
money | time |
Jordan Peterson | George Grant |
heritage tomatoes | heritage apples |
renting | lodging |
tilling | mulching |
“defund the police” | phthano-paranomic power |
Cartesian scientism | Viconian humanism |
single source chocolate | single source honey |
NBA basketball | Olympic basketball |
faux fur | real fur |
Athens | Jerusalem |
Perry Mason | Sam Spade |
coordinated | mismatched |
prophets | mystics |
weakness | strength |
buttons | snaps |
And, of course, always out: George Bernard Shaw.
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